“My Ex” is Toxic
“My Ex”
Uuughhh. What a yucky phrase. To quote the Grinch,
“I don’t LIKE it”
Many people say it. They use it when referring to someone with whom they had a significant relationship with at some point in their past. From boyfriends, girlfriends, husbands, wives, and even “best friends,” the prefix “Ex” is slapped in front of many pronouns to quickly describe another person with a form of negative ownership that floods the listener and user with a complex set of emotions. I hate it.
It has always struck me as unusual and uncomfortable. When someone talks about “their ex,” It often leaves me imagining an unidentifiable humanoid creature that has no face nor personality. Who is it? Do I know this person? In some cases, it makes me wonder:
“… which one!?”
For the next two minutes, I would like to petition for us to stop using “ex” as a description of anyone we have pursued relationally. I hope that by taking a look at my personal feelings towards the phrase, why we should stop using it, and how we can easily replace the prefix, you too would be on board with me in this endeavor!
Why “ex” is toxic
This two letter word is frustrating to hear. It implies many things and, most of all, it showcases a negative feeling. It verbally puts a large “X” over someone’s face and you can often hear a buzzer going off as if someone provided the wrong answer in Family Fued.
-Not only does it imply negative feelings, but creates a false sense of ownership over someone. We don’t own anybody. We have different roles within a relationship. Whether that is friend, coworker, mentor, child, or parent. You may have INFLUENCE over someone. You may be RESPONSIBLE for someone. You may even be caring for someone, however there is not a time in which someone else is “yours.” Now, there ARE relationships in which you are each others (i.e. spousal relationships), however you still do not own that person. You have become one flesh, yes, but that still does not result in a relationship over ownership of that person. Never having been married, I definitely know what I’m talking about… *that was a joke*
-“Ex” takes away the option of another person being an individual with goals, feelings, and (possibly) positive traits and instead replaces them as an object to be disdained. Very rarely have I heard the phrase “ex” mentioned in a positive light and I just think this is unhealthy. You may definitely have some relationships that have not ended on a positive note, but it is still true that you can learn lessons from each relationship you did not have understanding of before.
If you are young, or even if you are not-so-young, I want to tell you something that I hope will be freeing:
Not every relationship has to end badly.
Not every relationship that didn’t work out is negative.
It is possible to leave a relationship on a positive note and be able to interact with them cordially. It is possible for each of you to walk away from the relationship without hurt and without regret and go forward with more understanding of yourself. It’s possible and it’s so so good. Maybe that will be a topic for a later post…
In closing, I leave you with a request: please reconsider your vocabulary. It’s possible to stop using words that produce a negative description. Try replacing these phrases with those that are positive. With this topic, for example, I replace “ex” with the terms “past girfriend”, “girlfriend at the time,” or “an old girlfriend” because it’s an endearing or positive outlook. There are many other words we use negatively that I believe we can change. Take some time today to take inventory of your vocabulary and consider which phrases bring others down and which ones bring them up.
Thanks for reading!
